Unconscious Habit Vs The Power of Conscious Ritual

"Take Comfort in Rituals" was the sign that greeted me this morning as I walked up to the Starbucks entrance in Toronto. I'm not certain about the efficacy of this slogan as an advertising campaign, but personally it reminded me that there is comfort in the rituals we create.

There are many reasons for creating and maintaining rituals in our lives. They can be used as a way to complete unfinished business or to center and ground us. When I reached for the door and noticed the slogan, I actually felt myself relax. Traveling, doing workshops and being away from home so much in the past two months has a fun, exciting element to it but there are also a few stressors that come with all this. Grabbing my morning coffee and sitting at my computer to compose my daily blog is a ritual for me. When I am more than 3,000 miles from home, it brings a sense of normalcy to my life.

What rituals do you have to support and nurture you? A regular exercise program can be a ritual. A weekly phone call with a best friend, a certain comfort food or celebrating breakthroughs are all examples of rituals we create.

Like most things in life, there are two sides to the ritual coin. If you are consciously choosing an action as a way that helps you relax, reconnect, refresh and ground yourself it is a ritual. This is an anabolic, creative approach. If a ritual becomes an unconscious habit that disconnects you from your feelings, connecting with yourself or others, you've gone into a catabolic or destructive way of coping. A good sign that a ritual has become a habit is the difference between actively choosing it or experiencing it as something you HAVE to do or HAVE to have.

If you are not yet incorporating ritual into your life in a conscious way, what is one thing you can do at the start each day that will create more focused action and keep you moving toward your goals? What rituals can you create to support other core values such as having a healthy lifestyle or enjoying rich and satisfying relationships?

When we go through a period of significant change or loss, it is important to examine the old rituals and decide whether to keep them or redesign them. For a family going through divorce, it is important to assess which family rituals can be maintained to provide some continuity and security, especially for the children. If a holiday such as Christmas needs to be redesigned, then encourage everyone to take part in planning it. Understand the core values that are at stake and build something new that expresses these values.

Allowing yourself to be nurtured, comforted and centered by creating ritual in your own life can provide you with the support you need to take risks and venture out in other areas. Dream big, live large and connect to the meaningful through ritual for a more inspired life.

Tambre Leighn, M.A., Ct.H., CPC, ELI-MP is a certified professional life coach specializing in guiding clients through periods of major transition (career change, divorce, chronic illness diagnosis) and grief recovery. She also works with those facing mid-life challenges to uncover their own brilliance so they may lead the extraordinary lives they were meant to have.

Go to http://www.coachingbytambre.com to sign up for my complimentary newsletter.