Conscious Sexuality

First, let's take a look at what conscious means.

'scio' is Latin for 'know'. The Oxford Dictionary cites conscious as " aware, knowing, with mental faculties awake or active; intentionally performed or felt"

Take the last four words of this meaning, and ask yourself .... when I last had sex was it "intentionally performed or felt"?

I have explored and asked and played with this idea of Conscious Sexuality for some time now and have come to recognise that it means knowing me, accepting me, feeling me within every part of my body, in order for me to fully connect and integrate with the person with whom I am being sexually intimate, thereby having Conscious Sex. For this to be possible I believe you need to know the inner lover before giving yourself to an outer lover.

My spiritual journey and quest for answers as to who I am and my eternal quest for joy, bliss, self love and that 'elusive' peace that passeth all understanding, has led me through interesting experiences, bringing me out the other side, much wiser and with a deep knowing of what I want and don't want and what works for me and feels good and what doesn't.

It has been a somewhat selfish pursuit where over time I have found myself on the fringe or outskirts of a society which says "It is not OK to be overly sexual". I recall very clearly being overtly sexual in my late teens and throughout my twenties and thirties, using my sexuality to get me noticed in every way I could. I can assure you there was nothing "conscious" about all the sex, or the situations I found myself in. Rather it was a focus on the "feel fleetingly good" through orgasmic pleasure and moving on for more of the same with some significant other.

The point is, sexuality can be used as a weapon of mass destruction, a place that feeds and fuels abject loneliness, feelings of worthlessness and never fills that deep craving and longing to be loved, to be recognised as the innate being we are all supposed to be. Metaphysics teaches us to "love yourself" and even though I have said the affirmations and thought the thoughts, I still needed help and lots of workshops under the belt before reaching a point of understanding this thing called "self-love" in fact "self-appreciation" would be a more truthful understanding.

Years later I have come to fully understand that what we think, do and say does manifest in our life and once I fully grasped this I see how I create my life and how I am fully responsible for all of it! This is how the physical expression of my sexuality in a much more conscious way, broadens and expands as I move through life.

Basically we live in a sex negative and pleasure negative world. I remember when AIDS was hogging the headlines and how the Grim Reaper adverts gave anyone who wanted to be sex negative and the righteously homophobic just the tool to shout out loud "sex kills", "sex is bad" this is the "wrath of God".

Well, sex does not kill; viruses sometime do and without the sex act none of us would be here, so how can it be that 'bad'? We appear to live in a society where we are constantly bombarded with car crashes, rapes, murders, bombings, and many other forms of "bad" or "evil" which gets our attention more than the joy, the bliss, the pleasurable stuff. This sex-negative heritage has been largely based on denial and fear of our body.

Sex is the source of our life force energy, the essence of where human life stems from, sex heals, sex softens, sex endorses the feel good sensations of living and sex is prayer. Our sexuality belongs to us and the pleasure it brings us is exquisite.

Conscious sexuality does not mean you necessarily have to have a partner. There are many men and women who choose to live their lives fully, alone, or have found themselves alone after years of marriage and parenting. This is a perfect opportunity for continuous self inquiry. The first step in recovering your sexual, sensual self is to stop looking 'out there' for someone to make you feel good, or to help you feel better about your self. You are your ideal lover. There is so much these days to read and to practically explore, where wonderful things can start to happen, as we begin to learn to love ourselves. In order to truly love ourselves we need to consciously revisit all of us, the mental, the emotional and the physical. Self loving can provide us with a unique connection with our true selves, it can break down the armour.

Orgasm and sex are the single most effective natural means of tension release. At the moment of great sexual release you experience the loss of ego, loss of boundaries, and a connection to all that is. This is also what happens in a great spiritual experience.

Orgasm is the release of energy rushing through the mental, spiritual, emotional body and connects us to Source. However, remember orgasm is more than just a genital thing. There are hundreds of centimetres of tactile space on our bodies. The breath is another powerful force in contributing to the depth of our sexual experiences. Use it. The breath helps us remain synchronised with ourselves or a partner as the levels of pleasure increase and take us to crescendo of erotic joy and bliss and a full body experience like none other.

We are the one constant in our lives, the one who we live with always. A sexual relationship with self is everything. Go on an extra special, super sexy, super loving date with yourself!!! Make the time, take the time to slow down... imagine, breathe, gaze, move, moan, taste, caress, soak , feel and connect with the wonderful, beautiful being you are.

It is from here that we can share with anyone we want, where and when we want. Where, when we know our bodies so well, it becomes possible to attract the most wonderful people who feel that way about themselves too. This is what conscious sexuality is all about.

Copyright©2008 Marie-Elise Allen

Marie-Elise Allen is a keynote speaker on Sexual Health and Harmony. As a writer she submits her articles world wide and is published in various Holistic Magazines in Australia. She can be contacted through her web site http://marie-elise.com/ Marie-Elise facilitates regular information and education evenings merging sexual wellbeing, sensual delight and spiritual connection.